Two weeks ago, we left our little one (19 months old) for more than one night for the first time. Five nights to be exact. I initially had some anxiety about being away from her but knew it would also be kind of like ripping off a band aid. To my shock, I enjoyed and relished in every single kid-free hour, day and night! Of course it helps that with modern technology we were able to FaceTime every morning and evening. She was having a blast with different aunts, cousins and grandparents. I knew she was in great hands and I did not have a single worry while we were gone. Thank the lord! Of course, seeing her for the first time after all that time was beyond amazing! In just five days she seemed 3 inches taller and years wiser! She was happy beyond belief to be reunited but that wore off after about a day. After being back home for a week and a half now, I can honestly say it has been one of the most exhausting ten days of my life.
Our first day or two reunited, I felt overwhelmingly sentimental. Cherishing every little moment with her, recognizing more and more how much I missed her. Realizing absence really does make the heart grow fonder. We had a day date out and about, lunch for just the two of us, soaking up every little giggle out of her. All that fun ended that day. I don’t know if she just happened to be having a doozy of a week (maybe getting some more teeth?) or if she’s just decompressing from our time apart. I can’t seem to make her happy yet she is clinging on to me. Literally hanging from my body. And even though she seems pissed at me, she doesn’t want anyone else for anything. Now, sometimes that is literally the best feeling in the world. I am her everything. I am her “feel good”. I can make anything and everything better. Real super woman stuff! Other times, especially when mixed with constant tempter tantrums and almost teenager-like emotions, it is the most taxing, exhausting, emotionally-draining feeling ever!
She’s also been very jealous of any interaction between me and my niece. I watch my niece (2 years old) during the week while my sister and brother-in-law are at work. I know jealousy issues are very common for her age but I’ve been watching my niece since my daughter was born so she’s never been jealous, almost like she didn’t know any different. I cannot even change my nieces diaper without my little one throwing herself on the ground in a full fit.
A week and a half later, I can say every day is getting better and a little easier. It’s all a learning process for both me and her. I have to remember that at her age crying can mean so much. It can made she is sad, overwhelmed or it can even mean “I’ve missed you, mama”. It’s all probably just as frustrating for her as it is for me.
The bottom line is momming is hard. Being home during the week with my little one has been the biggest blessing yet come sometimes can feels ike a curse. For any moms out there in the middle of a struggle, you are not alone. You are not crazy. And most importantly, you are enough.